I didn't think the day would come where I'd consider writing a blog. I'm not going to lie, growing up I never really saw the appeal of these things. Who in their right might would want to listen to the shit someone else has to say? I never considered that maybe getting one's thoughts and feelings out anonymously on the internet was more of a...therapeutic experience for the author, rather than the reader. So I guess the question is what caused me to change my mind. Why am I doing something I so vehemently scoffed at before? People change, I suppose.
First off, to any poor soul that's reading this, I want to make it clear that this blog is PURELY for me. I'm not here to appeal or pander to the whims and wants of some unknown audience. Fuck that noise. I'm here to hopefully gain some form of catharsis from pouring my thoughts and feelings out onto an anonymous space. Whether or not I actually achieve said catharsis is another story, but we'll get there in time (I hope).
I've never lacked confidence in life. If anything I had too much confidence. I have no idea how my friends tolerated me in my teens; I was cocky, arrogant as fuck and thought I ran the shit. I would honestly say that part of it was attributed to me growing up as an international student in different countries. Believe it or not after spending the majority of your childhood in foreign countries (usually third world) and living like a king there, going back to your own home country loaded with cultural knowledge and a command of the English language that was a cut above my local peers instilled in me a sense of arrogance like no other. I truly thought I was cool as fuck. I think I was decently good looking, I definitely had my fair share of girls who liked me, and that helped propel me higher up on my own podium of ego and self-importance. Going into my first year of my Undergraduate degree in Australia, all the arrogance and cockiness really crowned into a cornucopia of alcohol, a smattering of recreational paraphernalia use and overall cocky fuccboi-ness. I went out to clubs every weekend with my "boyz" and we went out to bars and got rowdy on weekdays. I had abandoned my old friends in favor of these new shitheads that I knew were ultimately a bad influence on me. But I didn't care, I was having too much fun thinking I was on top of the world.
It's funny how things can change so quickly. It sounds cliche as fuck but honestly thinking back on what happened, I truly felt like I went from a hero to zero. Midway through the first year, my skin started to break out. This sounds like such a petty detail but believe me when I say it had a lasting, ongoing effect on me as a person. As a soul. Keep in mind I NEVER had skin problems growing up, face was always clear as day. And whilst my peers in high school had to go through the traumatizing process of acne that comes with puberty, I luckily never faced such hardships. So of course, it would only make sense that life pulls out it's big fat 9 inch dick complete with a studded cock ring and slaps me in the face (literally) with a healthy helping of pimples and acne midway through a period of time where I was more self conscious of my looks than I had ever been. I'm telling you right now, the effects were fucking devastating. It started off small, the occasional pimple here and there. Nothing to write home about. I started using basic run-in-the-mill face wash products from Supermarkets and thought nothing of it. However as time passed, the excessive alcohol and experimentation with certain consumables started to take its toll and my face fucking BLEW up. Seemingly overnight, my face had turned from being flawless to a goddamn pizza party, with ALL the goddamn toppings. I was fucking crushed. I felt like absolute shit, whenever I went out I could feel people staring at me and silently judging me, as I had done so to others in the past. Karma's a real bitch. I eventually stopped going out as much, as I was so ashamed of my face that I didn't want anyone to see me. I went weeks without seeing any of my friends, only going out to get groceries. On the plus side this is when I discovered the joy of amateur cooking, I spent so much time indoors that the house was always clean and I learnt a thing or two about how to cook a perfect steak, make the sauciest pasta and cook the mashed-est of potatoes. But it was bad. When my parents came over to visit, I could tell that they were mortified. Who wouldn't be? I was practically a different person. I never looked anyone in the eye anymore, knowing full well that their judgmental gaze was sweeping across my disgusting appearance. This went on for a while, all the way until the end of the 2nd year of my Undergraduate degree. During this time I had lost all confidence as a person, and I could physically feel myself becoming a shell; empty and alone. I literally went through the rest of the 1st and 2nd year without making any new friends let alone talking to my current ones.
Damn, this is hard as fuck. But it feels good, getting all my thoughts and feelings out after keeping them in for so long, it kinda feels like a tire that's slowly deflating. That sounds like such a depressing example. Shit. Are blogs supposed to be this long? Believe me when I say I have so much more to say. But I think maybe, this is enough for now. To anyone who's stumbling across this on the internet, I hope this has entertained you in some way. I've always liked making people happy.
First off, to any poor soul that's reading this, I want to make it clear that this blog is PURELY for me. I'm not here to appeal or pander to the whims and wants of some unknown audience. Fuck that noise. I'm here to hopefully gain some form of catharsis from pouring my thoughts and feelings out onto an anonymous space. Whether or not I actually achieve said catharsis is another story, but we'll get there in time (I hope).
I've never lacked confidence in life. If anything I had too much confidence. I have no idea how my friends tolerated me in my teens; I was cocky, arrogant as fuck and thought I ran the shit. I would honestly say that part of it was attributed to me growing up as an international student in different countries. Believe it or not after spending the majority of your childhood in foreign countries (usually third world) and living like a king there, going back to your own home country loaded with cultural knowledge and a command of the English language that was a cut above my local peers instilled in me a sense of arrogance like no other. I truly thought I was cool as fuck. I think I was decently good looking, I definitely had my fair share of girls who liked me, and that helped propel me higher up on my own podium of ego and self-importance. Going into my first year of my Undergraduate degree in Australia, all the arrogance and cockiness really crowned into a cornucopia of alcohol, a smattering of recreational paraphernalia use and overall cocky fuccboi-ness. I went out to clubs every weekend with my "boyz" and we went out to bars and got rowdy on weekdays. I had abandoned my old friends in favor of these new shitheads that I knew were ultimately a bad influence on me. But I didn't care, I was having too much fun thinking I was on top of the world.
It's funny how things can change so quickly. It sounds cliche as fuck but honestly thinking back on what happened, I truly felt like I went from a hero to zero. Midway through the first year, my skin started to break out. This sounds like such a petty detail but believe me when I say it had a lasting, ongoing effect on me as a person. As a soul. Keep in mind I NEVER had skin problems growing up, face was always clear as day. And whilst my peers in high school had to go through the traumatizing process of acne that comes with puberty, I luckily never faced such hardships. So of course, it would only make sense that life pulls out it's big fat 9 inch dick complete with a studded cock ring and slaps me in the face (literally) with a healthy helping of pimples and acne midway through a period of time where I was more self conscious of my looks than I had ever been. I'm telling you right now, the effects were fucking devastating. It started off small, the occasional pimple here and there. Nothing to write home about. I started using basic run-in-the-mill face wash products from Supermarkets and thought nothing of it. However as time passed, the excessive alcohol and experimentation with certain consumables started to take its toll and my face fucking BLEW up. Seemingly overnight, my face had turned from being flawless to a goddamn pizza party, with ALL the goddamn toppings. I was fucking crushed. I felt like absolute shit, whenever I went out I could feel people staring at me and silently judging me, as I had done so to others in the past. Karma's a real bitch. I eventually stopped going out as much, as I was so ashamed of my face that I didn't want anyone to see me. I went weeks without seeing any of my friends, only going out to get groceries. On the plus side this is when I discovered the joy of amateur cooking, I spent so much time indoors that the house was always clean and I learnt a thing or two about how to cook a perfect steak, make the sauciest pasta and cook the mashed-est of potatoes. But it was bad. When my parents came over to visit, I could tell that they were mortified. Who wouldn't be? I was practically a different person. I never looked anyone in the eye anymore, knowing full well that their judgmental gaze was sweeping across my disgusting appearance. This went on for a while, all the way until the end of the 2nd year of my Undergraduate degree. During this time I had lost all confidence as a person, and I could physically feel myself becoming a shell; empty and alone. I literally went through the rest of the 1st and 2nd year without making any new friends let alone talking to my current ones.
Damn, this is hard as fuck. But it feels good, getting all my thoughts and feelings out after keeping them in for so long, it kinda feels like a tire that's slowly deflating. That sounds like such a depressing example. Shit. Are blogs supposed to be this long? Believe me when I say I have so much more to say. But I think maybe, this is enough for now. To anyone who's stumbling across this on the internet, I hope this has entertained you in some way. I've always liked making people happy.
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